Oops I Did It Again…
So another Thursday and another morning of waking up in a blind panic that I forgot my WIPpet for this week. Lucking, our wonderful host obviously anticipates these problems and leaves submissions open into Thursday so I can still get it in. In my defense, yesterday was filled with excitement for me since I got MY NEW CAR!!! Yay! Well, new to me anyway. It replaces my 13 year old heap of junk with 220k miles on it, so I’m a happy girl.
Thank you to those of you who offered to review my novels last week. I will be taking you up on it. Please send me your email address to email@example.com or leave it in the comments so I can get you your e-arc. Also let me know if you want to do one book or both. If anyone else wants to but didn’t let me know last week, just hop on board this week. I’m not looking for only good reviews, but HONEST ones, and you’ll get free e-copies of the books in exchange for the review. As a reminder, the snippets you’re reading are from Book Seven in the series and the ones coming out at One and Two, so it’s the same type of content. If you like this, you’ll like the books.
Now, onto my WIPpet. This is from Book Seven, as the rest have been, but I would really like some feedback on this section. My novels have always had some religious undertones with the use of Angels and Devils, but I’ve actively avoided using God in the book up til now. In this scene, the addition of a God-figure as a “character” felt right and like it pushes the story forward, but I’m nervous about it, so let me know if this reads like a real reaction and if the scene plays out right. It’s not supposed to be a “religious” novel. Far from it, so I don’t want to go too far down this rabbit hole. Anyway, let me know.
Amaya looked over her shoulder at the gathering of monks, then back up at the mountain. Muttering under her breath, she dropped to her knees and faced the pile of rocks.
“So, I’m supposed to talk to you and get you to send some sort of a sign so these old men over there will take me to the Garden of Eden.” She looked from side to side, uncomfortable with the whole situation. “I don’t really believe in praying. I think you’re pretty much a jerk. I’ve read the Bible, ya know? Well, parts of it anyway.” She cleared her throat and rubbed her hands over her thighs. “I read all these stories about how awesome you are and how much you love people and cared for them and now you’ve just left us all down here to die.”
Amaya tipped her head back and stared back at the velvety sky, taking in the twinkling stars. A breeze stirred the air and blew through her hair, gently moving it away from her face. Behind her, the monks stirred excitedly, apparently convinced that their miracle was imminent. Less certain, Amaya continued to speak, her voice soft.
“We’re really trying. Any idiot could see that. We’re dying for this. I almost died for this. Every time, we charge out into battle without a thought for ourselves, trying to save this damn world because it’s the right thing to do.” She scowled up at the sky. “I don’t know how much more you want from us. You ask us to fight so we fight. You ask us to die, so we die. You require women to carry Nephilim and they do. I know Lucifer keeps cheating, and I know there are some morons who follow him like lemmings, but there are plenty of us who move to block everything he does. This world is more good than bad, and it’s not right of you to just sit up there and watch us all die for you and ignore the pain and suffering we’re in just because you’re pissed off. That’s just not right. So pull your head out of your ass and give these silly old men some kind of miracle that will convince them this is what you want so that I can go get the Rod and the Spear and kill Lucifer once and for all. You’re supposed to be a loving God, a merciful God, a caring God. One who cries and feels pain when we do. Prove it. Help me out here, dude. Give me something.”
Frustrated, Amaya waited thirty seconds with no response. Climbing to her feet, she cast a look back to Deacon, about to call for Michael or Griffin when the sky split open and a streak of red lightning surged into the ground.
Dirt and sand flew up, erupting into flame and forming a column of fire. The monks jumped and held onto each other, watching with excitement and fear. The fire swooped down, spreading out until it came within a hairsbreadth of Amaya’s feet.
Slowly, it rose off the ground, forming the outline of a human. One of the arms reached out until the hand was pressing against Amaya’s forehead. Though she could see the fire burning, there was no pain when it touched her. After a moment of silence, a voice filled the air, seeming to come from nowhere and everywhere, all at once.
“Fear not, child, for I am with you. The Hand of the Lord is upon you and your mission is Blessed. Blessed are those that help you, and cursed are those who oppose you. Heavy has been your load, Amaya, and heavier will it be still. Doubt not that your pain is felt, and that it is grieved. You have felt pain, and you will feel more yet. Fear has come, and will be faced again. Cast it aside for I am beside you.” The figure brought the other hands up and pressed one to either side of her head. “You will walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death and emerge victorious. You shall eat of Heaven’s manna and drink from the Cup of Christ and be purified by the blood. You will be cleansed through fire and washed in baptism, and you will crucify Lucifer. I am your Heavenly Father. Go forth and do as I command. Feel my presence with you and know that you are loved and you are blessed.”
In less time than it took Amaya to blink, the fire was gone and the night was silent. She looked over her shoulder and saw the monks on their knees with their heads pressed to the ground and their arms stretched out in front of them, whispered prayers barely audible. She turned to Deacon and Harry, her eyes wide.
Deacon rushed to her, taking her elbow with one hand. “That was one hell of a trick. How did you do that?”
Amaya looked up at him as Harry came up on her other side. The Warrior clapped her on the shoulder, grinning widely. “Damn, girl. That was better than an Angel. They’ll be talking about that for a thousand years!”
She shook her head, trying to reconcile what she was hearing with what she had experienced. “Deacon.” Her voice was shaky.
Deacon looked down at her, concerned at her tone. “What is it? Did you drain yourself?”
“I didn’t do that. I thought it was you.”
Both men stopped walking. Deacon turned slowly until he was fully facing her. “I didn’t do anything. Are you telling me that you didn’t do what we all saw?”
Amaya shook her head, her ears ringing. “I didn’t do that.” She felt tears prickle her eyelids. “Deacon, my God! That was God!”
Harry expelled a low whistle. “Holy shit. He does exist.”
Deacon gaped at her, his heart pounding in her chest. “What does it mean?”
Tears were running freely down her cheeks as a wave of emotion swept through her. “It means we’re going to be okay. He hasn’t give up on us. He believes we can win.” Laughing and crying at the same time, Amaya spun in a circle, her arms spread out to her sides. “It means we saw a miracle.”
My WIPpet math is simple. You’re getting 9+11=20 paragraphs. I’m sorry it’s so long, but this is the scene I want some feedback on this week.
For those of you new, a WIPpet is a once weekly snippet of a work in progress where the only rule is that the amount you post is somehow date related. When you’re done here, go here to read all the other wonderful WIPpets. Don’t forget to comment on them. The more you give, the more you get!
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